So your tween just hit you with the question.
“Can I download this new app? Everyone at school has it!”
And now, you’re in a dilemma. If you say no outright, you’re the uncool, out-of-touch parent who “doesn’t get it.” Say yes without checking, and you could be giving them access to a platform crawling with strangers, unfiltered content, or disappearing messages that make it impossible for you to keep them safe.
So what’s the move? Before you approve or deny, here’s how to make an informed decision—without turning it into an all-out war.
Step 1: Know What You’re Saying Yes (or No) To
Not all apps are built the same. Some are perfectly fine, others are a total privacy nightmare, and some seem harmless but have hidden risks.
Before you say yes, ask yourself:
✔ What’s the app actually for? Social media? Gaming? Messaging? Some apps are hybrids—Snapchat, for example, is a messaging app, but with a social feed, disappearing messages, and AI-generated filters that can collect facial data.
✔ Who owns it? Some apps seem new and trendy, but they’re owned by major data-harvesting companies. Know who’s collecting your child’s information.
✔ What kind of content is allowed? Are there parental controls? Is there a public feed where strangers can interact with your child?
✔ How do people communicate? Can anyone send them a message, or do they have to approve contacts first? Is there a private or disappearing chat function?
✔ What’s the privacy situation? Does it collect location data? Does it link to other social media accounts? Is the account automatically public?
Step 2: Check the Privacy & Safety Settings
If your tween is dead set on this app, at least lock down their privacy settings before they start using it.
• Make accounts private whenever possible.
• Turn off location sharing—unless you want some random stranger knowing where your kid is.
• Disable DMs from strangers. Some apps automatically allow anyone to send messages unless you change this setting.
• Block friend suggestions. Many apps use algorithms to suggest “people you may know”—but they’re not always actual friends.
• Check what personal info is required. If an app demands a real name, email, or phone number, set it up using a family account instead of their personal info.
Step 3: Look for Red Flags
Some apps are designed to be dangerous—even if they look harmless on the surface.
🚨 Does it have disappearing messages? If yes, that’s a hard no (or at least a serious conversation).
🚨 Does it allow anonymous messaging? Predators and bullies thrive on apps with anonymous features.
🚨 Does it have in-app purchases? Many “free” apps are loaded with sneaky microtransactions that can rack up huge charges.
🚨 Does it use AI-generated content? Some AI apps are fun but also collect data and create deepfake-style images or conversations that can be misused.
If an app checks two or more of these boxes, it’s a no. Or at the very least, a supervised, locked-down, on-a-trial-basis maybe.
Step 4: Set the Terms (Yes, This Is a Negotiation)
If you decide to approve the app, don’t just hand over the phone and hope for the best. Make it clear what the rules are upfront.
Consider setting up a Family App Contract where they agree to:
✅ Keep their account private
✅ Only add people they know in real life
✅ Let you follow them (or check their account occasionally)
✅ Never share personal information (name, school, location)
✅ Tell you immediately if they see anything weird or uncomfortable
Bonus move: Tie the app’s use to responsible behavior. If they’re handling screen time well, keeping up with schoolwork, and following your rules, they get to keep the app. If not, you have every right to take it away.
Step 5: Keep the Conversation Open
Here’s where most parents go wrong: They say yes or no and leave it at that. The better approach? Keep the conversation going.
🔹 Check in every few weeks. Ask: “How’s that app working for you? Anything weird happening?”
🔹 Watch how they interact online. Do they seem stressed? More secretive? If their mood changes after using an app, that’s a red flag.
🔹 Be open about online dangers. Make it normal to talk about privacy, scams, and online strangers.
Tweens don’t intentionally make bad choices—but they will if they don’t understand the risks. Keeping them informed is how you empower them to make safer decisions.
Final Thought
Look, you don’t have to approve every app—but you also don’t want to be the parent who blocks everything, forcing your kid to find workarounds.
The best move? Balance curiosity with caution. Check privacy settings. Set boundaries. Keep the conversation open. And when in doubt—pause, research, and decide together.
At Be Hard to Hack, we help parents stay ahead of online threats without fear-mongering or tech jargon. Subscribe below for practical, real-world strategies to protect your child in today’s digital world.